I Love my Closet Full of Books
and i think we all need a little love
JAN 12, 2025
I just read an essay by ayan artan from their blog RENT FREE. called ‘in defense of pretension.’ and it has inspired me to write this. I agree with most of their points on the negligence of literacy and the state of the world that is crumbling.
I love reading, I take pride in my closet full of books, I relish in any opportunity to traverse through a used bookstore, I remember the things that inspire me and I meditate and pray everyday that the world choose peace for a change. I keep journals of silly and intellectually thoughts I have and I take notes of quote that inspire me and I write about them. I mind myself of my lingual multitudes of creative pursuits. I also love the glass teapot I just ordered from Amazon and my closet full of thrifted clothes and clothes I’ve purchased for the simple fact that they were made from 100% organic cotton. My wished and prayers might be naive to the truth that is suffering in life, but I keep praying anyway. I might not be up-to-date on all that is modern affairs or popular culture, but I am in keeps with all that of which I know to be true to my soul, true to my authentic self. And that, is enough. I do see the ways in which we are failing ourselves through cheap entertainment, doomscrolling to monotony and braindead-ness. I see these zombified freaks of nature posing and posting as futile excuses for human beings, but I do not seek to whip them into shape. This journey to authenticity might be found through pain and hardship, but it is also found through love.
There is a blessing here, we do not have to start from square one, we can heal from here.
There is truth that our world is refusing the call to aid in awareness, there is truth that people submit to this blindly, so that they willingly offer their bodies to the machine. This is the prophecy of our time, all that of the old and the new was witness to and warned us of, still warn us of, and still we have rejected the warning signs and laughed at the messages. We have made memes out of their sacristy. There is truth to the canon immoral indecency that walks the streets day by day, pissing on our trees and throwing trash out the window of their cars that leak toxic fuel, and leaving needles at their feet when they are too high to stand straight. There is truth that these people need help, and there is truth that money will not solve these issues. Our world might not be pretty to look at, but there are people, real human people, who see this too, that of me and you, those who are fighting for the cause, working towards something greater, using all of our strength to carry the aging skin on our backs to try and make something of ourselves, and to make something in our world. To channel this energy to helping ourselves so that we might help our community. I send you my love, there is so much love. Just waiting to be noticed.
A divine reckoning is happening. And it is of our own doing. We have wreaked the Earth and we refuse to accept the truth that we are failing ourselves. And in doing so, we fail our communities. In doing so we fail the world. There is nothing we can do at large if we do not first act on the troubles that ache in our hearts and wallow in our minds. Then and only then, might we find solace in community, and then peace in this world. If we continue to shame ourselves for being stupid and reckless and foolish, then we continue to do so. There is no forward movement in this vicious cycle, only you, your phone, the medication you fuel yourself with to keep you alive, to keep you from killing yourself, and the trees that call you desperately. You do not have to rid yourself of that which you rely on to stay alive, unless that is your choice. Some of us are not as lucky to feel as though they have a choice. Some of us have already offered their bodies to the experiment of our age, some of us are already fishing in this sea of artificiality, some of us do not know the way out.
It is easy for me to say: just accept the truth and move on and for Christ’s sake do something about it. As if it was easy for me. It is so triggering for people to speak about such failures of humanity. I see it on their faces, I see it in their actions, I hear it in their movements, their words, they way they shift uncomfortably at the sound of something real or authentic coming from another mouth. And still, they refuse to do something about it. And it’s not about being culturally fluent, it’s not about being pretentious, it’s not about a college education or a degree that allows you to do one specific thing. It is about art, all that we create. This is about the soul that has left one’s body because it fears the cage of modernity.
I realized this as I was reading, and pondering in the morning cool air that graced my face, I realized that we have lost the art in everything we do. It might also be called soul or spirit, the mystical aspect of life, the art. The process of creation, transmutation. The source of God. Divinity. We are all artists, as so would the lego movie say, we are all master builders. There are some people who see this, and others who take vengeful pride in their creations, offering up bullshit, cheap solutions, convenient solutions and things that simply do not get to the core of the thing that need be. I find it in hospitals, in speeches, in books that have no real depth, in layers and layers of clothes that are shipped from god knows where, in faces in eyes in bodies. It is everywhere, this poor excuse. I even see it on canvases and in videos that are made to be gawked at. This is not real art, where has it gone? Maybe it has fallen ill to our inability to find humor in the mundane and boringness in life, maybe it has fallen victim to convenience. Maybe it has left these bodies entirely, with their souls, for the sake of their ignorant refusal to be human. And then we are left with robotic creatures, artificially written scripture, a plethora of media that despises true creation. This happened so fast. So fast we were able to offer our blood to the myth of the future.
Why must we be so hard on ourselves? We are not meant to be so caught up in material and worldly affairs, we are meant to simply exist. We are meant to be good to our neighbors and take pride in each step we take, in a way that exalts the human form and encourages the ego to be healthy and loving. In a way that allows those who have fallen into depression to get up again and find their own way through. To find their soul, their art. Their truth to Being. We are not meant to be flaunting ourselves in this world of artificial realities. And still you poke at these wounds for trying to heal. You, who are aching and broken in heart, you who are full of shit, probably from the start, you who are negligent of your own needs and desires, you who are painstakingly critical of that which you fear, why must you be?
Why must we be so foolish as to take ourselves so seriously? Where has the fun gone? Where has the innocence gone? Do you remember yourself as a child? Do you remember the innocence you had embodied once? Well I do, and she yearns for another to see her eyes, she yearns for all of us to rejoice in our making, she yearns for us to walk hand in hand as our mother roasts us for being so bad.
If we are to go out in dying flame, then so be it. I do not want to live in a world where people are cruel and stupid.
